📋 Shiur Overview
Summary of the Shiur – Rambam Hilchos De’os Chapter 7
General Introduction
The last several chapters of Hilchos De’os deal with bein adam lachaveiro – how one conducts oneself with other people, how one should rebuke, love another Jew, associate with the right kind of Jews. Chapter 7 transitions to two main topics: rechilus/lashon hara and nekama/netira. The Rambam deals here primarily with speech – lashon hara, rechilus, motzi shem ra.
An important general point: the Rambam, unlike the Chofetz Chaim who makes detailed halachos, describes more the type of person – for him it belongs to the topic of de’os, it is a kind of bad character trait.
—
Halacha 1 – The Prohibition of “Lo Seilech Rachil” and the Meragel
Words of the Rambam: “One who spies on his fellow transgresses a negative commandment, as it says ‘lo seilech rachil be’amecha’. And even though one does not receive lashes for this prohibition… it is a great sin and causes the killing of many souls from Israel, therefore it is juxtaposed to ‘lo sa’amod al dam rei’echa’.”
Plain Meaning
One who is a meragel – spies, gathers information and carries it over – transgresses the prohibition of “lo seilech rachil”. Although one does not receive lashes for it, it is a severe transgression that can cause the killing of souls, and therefore it stands together with “lo sa’amod al dam rei’echa”.
Insights and Explanations
1. Meaning of “meragel”: The word “meragel” means a spy – he gathers information and carries it further to sell. He is an information-carrier. The Rambam describes him as one who “holech umegaleh sod” – he is a “water-carrier” of people’s information.
2. “Gorem leharigat nefashos” – literally: The Rambam means actual killing, not metaphorically. The proof is from Doeg HaAdomi: Doeg told Shaul HaMelech that Achimelech HaKohen gave David to eat from the Mishkan. Because of this, Shaul killed the entire city of Kohanim – a great killing from a bit of rechilus.
3. Innovation from the story with Doeg: Doeg did not know the true story. Achimelech did not at all intend to take a position against Shaul. David was very clever in how he spoke to Achimelech – Achimelech thought that David came on a mission from Shaul, he had no choice. Doeg sees a half-story – that Achimelech takes David’s side – and tells it over. This is the foundation of rechilus: one tells over half-stories, and causes many souls.
—
Halacha 1 (continued) – “Kach vekach amar ploni” – even truth
Words of the Rambam: “And he says ‘so-and-so said such-and-such’, ‘such-and-such I heard about so-and-so’, even though he speaks truth – behold this destroys the world.”
Plain Meaning
Even when the rachil speaks truth, he destroys the world.
Insights and Explanations
1. “Machariv es ha’olam” – how? People have so much peer pressure. When one asks whom do you fear – one means from the whole world. But in truth, whom do you fear? From that one yenta, that one carrier-and-bringer. This is what destroys the world. People who carry a “whole cake” of information – “I can’t help you, because someone told me” – they are machariv es ha’olam. A person must speak of “virtues, kindnesses, and wisdom” – not of other people.
2. Rechilus is not necessarily devarim shel genai: An important innovation in this Rambam – rechilus need not be bad things. The rachil is a “people-seller” – he carries information from one to another, what each one did, what that one said. The very carrying of information is the prohibition, even without genai.
3. The distinction between rechilus and lashon hara: Rechilus is usually from one to another – “you should know that so-and-so thinks about you this way”, “so-and-so said about you”. The rachil brings between people. He need not say bad things – he is the mixer, he makes sure that all information that lies with one should lie with the whole city. Lashon hara on the other hand is when he says simply bigenus chaveiro – not “so-and-so said about you”, but “so-and-so is a sinner”.
4. “Holech rachil megaleh sod”: The verse is used to describe the rachil. An innovation: when that person sends you to say something – that is one thing. But when he does not send you and you tell about him to another – that is megaleh sod, that is rechilus.
5. The “ish rachil” – how one recognizes him: It is a type of person for whom this is his job – he is an “information-carrier”. His “virtue” is that he always knows what that one said about that one. It is a kind of “social acceptance” – people who have nothing to sell, only information.
—
Halacha 2 – Lashon Hara and Motzi Shem Ra
Words of the Rambam: “And there is a sin much greater than this, and it is included in this prohibition, and it is lashon hara. And it is one who speaks disparagingly of his fellow, even though he speaks truth. But one who speaks falsehood is called motzi shem ra on his fellow.”
Plain Meaning
Lashon hara is an even more severe transgression than rechilus, but it is also included in the same prohibition. Lashon hara means one speaks genai about a friend, even truth. When one speaks falsehood, it is called motzi shem ra.
Insights and Explanations
1. The innovation that lashon hara is even truth: The main innovation is that even when it is true that that person has a matter of genai – it is forbidden to tell it. This is the foundation of lashon hara.
2. Motzi shem ra – another category: The Rambam does not say that motzi shem ra is worse than lashon hara – he only says that it has another name: motzi shem ra. The innovation lies in that lashon hara is even when he speaks truth – this is the main innovation. Motzi shem ra is when he speaks falsehood, which is a separate category.
3. “Ba’al lashon hara” – the type of person: The Rambam speaks of a “ba’al lashon hara” – not just someone who transgressed once, but one for whom this is his constant character trait. He “yoshev ve’omer” – he sits (because standing one gets tired!) and he preaches: “such-and-such did so-and-so, such-and-such his fathers, thus I heard about him”. This is already a level of wickedness – he is a ba’al lashon hara.
4. Rechilus vs. lashon hara – two formulations: Rechilus is “a bit more refined” – the rachil will not say what is not true, he is the mixer, he makes sure that information should flow. Lashon hara is “the real thing” – someone who sits and chops away at that person, he says devarim shel genai.
—
Halacha 2 (continued) – “Yachres Hashem kol sifsei chalakos, lashon medaberes gedolos”
Words of the Rambam: “About this the verse says: ‘Yachres Hashem kol sifsei chalakos, lashon medaberes gedolos’.”
Insights and Explanations
1. Meaning of “sifsei chalakos”: Usually it means flattering words – smooth talk. It is connected with the verse “shlumei divrei Yisrael, sefas chalakos, belev valev yedaberu”.
2. Meaning of “lashon medaberes gedolos”: It is discussed whether “medaberes” is from the language of medaber (speaking) or from the language of cutting. The conclusion is that “lashon medaberes gedolos” means he speaks big – he makes himself big by chopping down other people, like “mislabev lehon chavraya” – he enlarges himself by diminishing others.
3. “Nagbir” – connection to “gedolos”: The verse “lilshoneinu nagbir” fits together with “medaberos gedolos” – the ba’al lashon hara is a “gibor” on his tongue, his tongue is his sword, that which makes him big.
—
Halacha 3 – The Severity of Lashon Hara: Equivalent to Three Severe Transgressions
Words of the Rambam: “The Sages said: Three transgressions are punished in this world and one has no portion in the World to Come: idolatry, forbidden relations, and bloodshed. And lashon hara is equivalent to all of them.”
Plain Meaning
Three transgressions are so severe that one receives punishment both in this world and in the World to Come – idolatry, forbidden relations, bloodshed. Lashon hara is equivalent to all three together.
Insights and Explanations
1. The Chofetz Chaim’s famous point: The Chofetz Chaim said that speaking lashon hara is worse than eating pork – it is as severe as the three severe transgressions. It is discussed what “keneged kulan” means – perhaps that lashon hara causes murder, and perhaps also the other severe transgressions.
—
Halacha 3 (continued) – Lashon Hara as Heresy in Principle
Words of the Rambam: “And furthermore the Sages said, whoever speaks lashon hara is as if he denies the fundamental principle, as it says ‘asher amru lilshoneinu nagbir, sefaseinu itanu mi adon lanu’.”
Plain Meaning
One who speaks lashon hara is as if he is a heretic in principle – the verse describes people who say “our tongue makes us strong, who is the master over us?”
Insights and Explanations
1. Rabbeinu Yonah’s explanation (through the Shelah) – why is it heresy: A ba’al lashon hara who conducts himself well in all other matters – he does not do any transgressions, he does not go hit that person – but his mouth he thinks is ownerless, the Almighty is not in charge of the mouth. He holds that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is in charge of all other limbs, but the mouth is free. This is a kind of heresy – “mi adon lanu” – who is the master over my mouth?
2. Another explanation – heresy through the power of speech: A person is very limited in what he can do with his hands, but with the mouth one can do very much – one can destroy people, families, communities. One who uses the power of speech for lashon hara, he conducts himself in the world as if “ein Elokim” – there is no God, he can do what he wants. This is actual heresy.
—
Halacha 3 (continued) – Lashon Hara Kills Three
Words of the Rambam: “The Sages said, three does lashon hara kill: the one who says it, the one who accepts it, and the one about whom it is said. And the one who accepts it more than the one who says it.”
Plain Meaning
Lashon hara kills three people: the one who says it, the one who accepts it, and the one about whom it is spoken. The mekabel is even worse than the speaker.
Insights and Explanations
1. What does “horegesan” mean? Lashon hara is the cause of dispute. The speaker causes it, but the dispute is made by the listener – after he hears it, the whole trouble begins.
2. Why is the mekabel worse than the speaker? It is asked: what does “yoser meha’omro” mean – does it mean that he is killed more, or that he is more guilty? The explanation: The speaker perhaps laughs it off, he knows that it is not entirely true. But the mekabel takes it as truth – and from that comes the real damage.
—
Halacha 4 – Avak Lashon Hara
Words of the Rambam: Examples of avak lashon hara: “Who would say about so-and-so that he would be as he is now” – “Be quiet about so-and-so, I do not want to reveal what happened to him” – “and similar statements.”
Plain Meaning
Avak lashon hara is when one says nothing explicitly bad, but everyone understands the bad message.
Insights and Explanations
1. “Mi yomar liploni she’yiheh kemo she’hu atah”: You say “who would have believed that so-and-so would still come to such a state?” – you have said nothing bad, but you have said very much – that previously he was worse.
2. “Shiseku miploni”: “Let’s better not speak about what happened to that person” – the Rambam brings actual contemporary language. You have said nothing bad, but everyone understood.
3. Avak lashon hara vs. actual lashon hara: In practice, when one says “let’s not speak about that person, poor thing,” one has actually spoken lashon hara. The Rambam calls it “avak” because it is less than actually speaking out bad things, but in truth it is very close to actual lashon hara.
4. Meshabeach bifnei son’av: “And likewise one who speaks of the good of his fellow before his enemies, behold this is avak lashon hara, for he causes them to speak disparagingly of him.” When one says good things about a person before his enemies, it is avak lashon hara, because the enemy cannot restrain himself and will speak disparagingly of him.
5. The verse from Shlomo HaMelech: “Mevarech rei’eihu bekol gadol baboker hashkeim, kelalah techashev lo.” Two interpretations:
– One interpretation: You ate supper at that person’s house last night, and you thank him bekol gadol the next morning – “kelalah techashev lo” because everyone will now ask him for food.
– The Rambam’s interpretation: He brings it on the topic of meshabeach beshivcho bifnei son’av – “baboker hashkeim” perhaps means a time when everyone hears, in public, and among the listeners are enemies who will not wish him well.
6. [Digression: ohev shalom verodef shalom]: One must know how to be an “ohev shalom verodef shalom” – often when one thinks one is a rodef shalom, one will say a compliment about that person’s enemy, which is not ohev shalom – it causes the conversation to turn to how bad that person is. One must know that that person is not good with him, and not be a “tzaddik who tells over.”
—
Halacha 4 (continued) – Lashon Hara Derech Sechok
Words of the Rambam: “And likewise one who speaks lashon hara derech sechok and derech kalus rosh, meaning that he does not speak in hatred.”
Plain Meaning
One who always makes a joke at that person’s expense, but does not mean badly.
Insights and Explanations
1. The verse from Shlomo: “Kemislahaleha yoreh zikim chitzim umaves, ken ish rimah es rei’eihu ve’amar halo mesachek ani.” Like a person who plays with a weapon and throws “chitzim umaves” – so is one who deceives his friend and says “it’s a joke, it’s a Purim shpiel.” But you don’t know – it can hurt that person very much.
—
Halacha 4 (continued) – Lashon Hara Derech Remizos / Temimus
Words of the Rambam: “And likewise one who speaks lashon hara derech remizos… and he speaks in innocence as if he does not know that this thing is lashon hara… and says ‘I do not know if these are the deeds of so-and-so’.”
Plain Meaning
One who tells bad things in innocence, as if he does not know that this is lashon hara, or he says “I don’t know if this is true about that person” – this is also lashon hara.
Insights and Explanations
1. The mechanism: He says “I saw that person do this and that, but I don’t know if it’s true” – through the “I don’t know” he intends to be exempt, but in truth he has already planted the idea in the listener’s head.
—
Halacha 4 (end) – Ba’alei Lashon Hara: Forbidden to Dwell in Their Neighborhood
Words of the Rambam: “All these are ba’alei lashon hara whom it is forbidden to dwell in their neighborhood, and certainly to sit with them and hear their words.”
Plain Meaning
All types of lashon hara that have been enumerated – actual lashon hara, avak lashon hara, hints, all categories – when one does this regularly he is a “ba’al lashon hara” and one may not live in his neighborhood, and kal vachomer not sit with him and hear his words.
Insights and Explanations
1. “Ba’al lashon hara” – not just someone who speaks: The Rambam does not say simply “medaber lashon hara” but “ba’al lashon hara” – this means one for whom it is his nature, he does this regularly. This includes even avak lashon hara, hints, all types.
2. Practical reality of rechilus: Even if one learns hilchos lashon hara, even in a “frum city,” the reality is that what one tells over gets around. One should not delude oneself that “no one speaks any rechilus.” This is a fact, whether one has taken the Chofetz Chaim or not.
3. Two reasons why one may not live with ba’alei lashon hara:
a) Because they reveal everyone’s wickedness: When a ba’al lashon hara reveals everyone’s bad things, one becomes aware that the place is full of wicked people. This leads to one not improving – because if everyone is bad, everyone is “corrupt,” then one thinks “why should I be the only one who may not steal? Everyone steals, let me also.” This is how lashon hara creates a corruption that influences people badly.
b) Because it is dangerous: The ba’al lashon hara will harm you yourself – he will speak about you too.
4. The proof from the spies: The Rambam brings: “No decree was sealed on our forefathers in the desert except for lashon hara alone, as it says ‘vayenasu osi zeh eser pe’amim’.” Ten times they sinned and there was no decree, but with lashon hara (the spies) there was a decree. The severity of lashon hara is that one makes a “narrative” – one creates an image that it is difficult, it is a great danger, until one actually cannot go. This is the power of lashon hara – it creates a reality through speech.
—
Halacha 5 – Lashon Hara Befanav and Shelo Befanav; Devarim Shegoremim Heizek
Words of the Rambam: Lashon hara is both bifnei chaveiro and shelo befanav. “One who speaks things that cause, if they are heard from person to person” – if it goes further from person to person and causes damage “lechaveiro begufo o bemamono” – even if the first listener already knows.
Plain Meaning
Lashon hara is when one harms that person through speech – either directly, or indirectly through it going further.
Insights and Explanations
1. The mechanism of damage: You say something to your friend, but you know that he will take it further – this is rechilus that will go further. Also: each person who says it further adds a drop of exaggeration, and then it becomes dangerous.
2. Even lehatzilo o lehochecho: Even if one speaks it in secret, it does not remain a secret. Even if it cannot harm him begufo uvemamono, only a fright – it is still a great lashon hara.
—
Halacha 5 (continued) – The Heter of “Bifnei Shelosha” (Api Telasa)
Words of the Rambam: “And if these things were said before three, the matter has already been heard and known. And if one of the three tells the matter another time, there is no lashon hara in it. Provided that he does not intend to spread the report and reveal it more.”
Plain Meaning
A thing that three people already know, the whole world already knows. If one of the three goes to tell it further, it is not lashon hara – because it is no longer harmful, it is already known. But if he has an intention to enlarge the rumor, it is indeed lashon hara.
Insights and Explanations
1. The Chofetz Chaim’s position: The Chofetz Chaim was very unhappy with this heter – he sought very strongly to limit the heter of “bifnei shelosha.”
2. Rechilus vs. lashon hara in this context: It is discussed: perhaps what is called lashon hara here is actually rechilus – you carry further what people say about that person. The answer: Lashon hara is when one harms the person, and if it is already known, that further telling is no longer harmful – therefore it is not lashon hara.
3. The basic reasoning: The Rambam’s approach is that lashon hara is fundamentally a damage-based transgression – that one harms that person through speech. Therefore, when it is already known, the damage falls away, and therefore the prohibition falls away (as long as one does not have an intention to enlarge).
—
Halacha 6 – Nekama
Words of the Rambam: “One who takes revenge on his fellow transgresses a negative commandment, as it says ‘lo tikom’. And even though he does not receive lashes for it, it is a very bad character trait. Rather, it is proper for a person to be ma’avir on all worldly matters, for everything to people of understanding is matters of vanity and emptiness, and they are not worth taking revenge over.”
“And what is nekama? He said to him ‘lend me your axe’, he said to him ‘I will not lend you’. Tomorrow he needs to borrow from him, he said to him ‘lend me your axe’, he said to him ‘I will not lend you just as you did not lend me when I asked from you’ – behold this is nokem. Rather when he comes to borrow from him, he should give with a full heart and not repay him as he repaid him.”
Plain Meaning
Nekama is a prohibition, although one does not receive lashes. A person should be ma’avir on all worldly matters – to true understanding people everything is vanity.
Insights and Explanations
1. “Ma’avir al kol divrei ha’olam” – a whole new level: The Rambam does not say simply “be ma’avir al midosav” (as one usually says), but he comes to a much deeper point: the whole world is not worth anything. “Shehakol etzel ba’alei hasechel divrei hevel vehavai” – true understanding people understand that the essence is Godliness, knowledge of Hashem, and all other things are divrei hevel ure’us ruach. Earlier (in chapter 7) the Rambam said that if a person hurts you, you should think that he has a distorted view. Now he says more: all people have some distorted view, everything that has to do with the world is flawed. The whole world is not worth one sigh.
2. Why must one reach that far? The Rambam has a problem here: nekama is seemingly a rational thing – that person refused me, I refuse him back. What is wrong with that? Therefore the Rambam had to come to this deep explanation – that one should not be hurt at all, because the whole world is vanity. It is not enough to say “be nice” – one must go to the root of the matter, to the nullification of olam hazeh in general. The very “lo tikom” is a difficult thing to ask of a person, and therefore one must come to such a deep worldview to explain it.
3. The verse from David HaMelech: The Rambam brings the verse “im gamalti sholemi ra va’achaltzah tzoreri reikam” (Tehillim 7:5). David says: I have never repaid evil to those who did me bad. “Va’achaltzah tzoreri reikam” – the plain meaning is that David places himself in a “chalitza” (oath-like declaration): if I would indeed have taken revenge, then “yirdof oyev nafshi” – may such-and-such happen to me. But I did not do so – even to my enemies, as we see with Shaul, David did not take revenge.
4. The situation of “hash’ileini kardumcha” – who lends to whom? An important question is asked: how can one fulfill “lo tikom”? A person does not lend to everyone in the world – he lends to his friends, to whom it makes sense. The answer: The plain meaning in the situation is that it speaks of two people who already have a relationship – he would indeed lend it because it makes sense. The nekama is not the “no” itself, but the motive – “I will not lend you because you did not lend me.” When it truly does not make sense to lend, you can continue to say no. The wrong in both (nekama and netira) is the words that one says – the accounting, not the lending itself.
5. Why nekama is “foolishness”: The Rambam’s approach is that nekama is a sign of pettiness – “you are petty, you are busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who did what to you.” This is beneath the dignity of a person with understanding.
—
Halacha 7 – Netira
Words of the Rambam: “One who bears a grudge transgresses a negative commandment, as it says ‘lo tikom velo titor es bnei amecha’.”
“How so? Reuven said to Shimon ‘lend me your axe’, he said to him ‘I will not lend you’. Days later Shimon needed to borrow from Reuven, Reuven said to him ‘here it is for you, I am not like you who did not lend me’ – this is noter.”
“Rather he should erase the matter from his heart and not bear it, for as long as he bears the matter and remembers it perhaps he will come to take revenge. Therefore the Torah was strict about bearing grudges until he erases the wrong from his heart completely and does not remember it. And this is the correct view by which settlement of the land and the dealings and transactions of people with each other can be sustained.”
Plain Meaning
Netira is when one does indeed do the favor, but reminds the other that he behaved badly. “Noter” is a language of guarding – he guards the feeling, he does not let it go. One must erase the thing from the heart completely.
Insights and Explanations
1. Netira is a prohibition on thought: One of the significant things is that netira is a prohibition on the thought itself – one must erase the thing from the heart. This is similar to “lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha” – perhaps if “lo titor” had not been stated, it would also have been forbidden from “lo sisna.”
2. The innovation that netira is a transgression, not just a lack of pious conduct: One would have thought that when someone does indeed do the favor but reminds the other – this is a nice thing, a pious trait, because he does give, he is only forgiving with a heart. But the Rambam says that this is a transgression. Even the reminding – “I am not like you” – is forbidden. One would have thought that this is a legitimate thing: the person will feel bad, he will improve next time. But no, it is forbidden.
3. The reason: “shema yavo linkom”: The Rambam gives a practical reason – if one remembers the thing, one will eventually come to revenge. Therefore the Torah made a prohibition on netira itself, in order to erase the root.
4. “Yishuv ha’aretz umasa umatan shel bnei adam” – a practical reason, not only an idealistic one: By nekama the Rambam came to that the whole world is vanity – a philosophical, idealistic reason. But by netira he goes back to a practical reason: this is how one can have yishuv ha’aretz, that people should be able to deal with each other. The contrast is very interesting: a minute ago the whole world is not worthwhile, and suddenly olam hazeh is also worthwhile to improve. The explanation: both reasons are true – yes, idealistically everything is vanity, but also practically: if a person will keep accounts three generations back, this is no way. People are weak, people sometimes wrong each other, and if one will remember it the whole time there will be no end.
5. A question: perhaps netira is worse than nekama? It is asked: seemingly by nekama the Rambam had to come to “bitul olam hazeh” – a greater level. By netira he only gives a practical reason. Perhaps this means that netira is worse? The answer: no, it cannot be worse, because the Rambam says that netira “shema yavo linkom” – netira is the path to nekama, not worse than nekama itself.
6. Connection to “lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha”: By netira one sees the same foundation as “lo sisna es achicha bilvavecha” – both are prohibitions on what is in the heart. Perhaps if “lo titor” had not been stated explicitly, it would also have been forbidden from “lo sisna.”
7. A person cannot demand “refined things”: Often the “wrong” that one feels is not a real wrong – that person is not obligated to you in “refined things.” One cannot demand that that person should smile at you, that he should be “nicer.” When he truly wronged you, one can hold him accountable. But for simply “he was not nice to me” – that is not fair to keep an account.
8. [Digression: “hareini mochel” every night:] It is a nice thing to say every night “hareini mochel” – one should remember that the whole world is worth nothing, it is all a “dream that flies,” and one throws away all “baggage.”
—
Halacha 7 (continued) – Nekama and Netira: Practical Parameters
Insights and Explanations
1. The transgression in nekama and netira is in the words: In both – nekama and netira – the main prohibition is in what one says: “I will not lend you because you did not lend me,” or “I will lend you, but not like you treated me.” That is, the accounting itself – the keeping of a “booklet” of who did what to me – that is the problem.
2. Practical question – wedding lists and mishloach manos: It is asked: someone has a list of who came to his wedding, and he only goes to that
wedding if that person came to his – is this netira? The distinction: No, this is not netira. A person may have different levels of friendship. One has a friend number one, a friend from class, a friend from school, and an acquaintance whom one sees only a minute in and out. This is a legitimate distinction in relationships, not any netira. The same with charity links and mishloach manos – one is not obligated to exchange with everyone, because one is not on that level of friendship.
3. When it is indeed netira: Netira is when one asks him directly “why didn’t you come to my wedding?” and he answers “because you didn’t come to my wedding.” This is a fight, this is netira – because the motive is revenge, not a natural distinction in levels of friendship.
4. The principle: One must think in each case when it is indeed netira/nekama and when not. The goal is to increase love in the world – but one need not be naive, one may have legitimate distinctions in how close one is with different people.
—
Conclusion of Hilchos De’os – General Comments
With this one completes Hilchos De’os in its entirety. A recap of what was learned: what one must do, what one must know, what one must with Torah, how one treats other people.
[Digression: connection to other halachos] After Hilchos De’os comes ahavas hager and ahavas rei’acha kamocha, and Hilchos Talmud Torah is more connected to Yesodei HaTorah (things that one must know). But in Hilchos De’os itself there is also the topic of kavod lechavev talmidei chachamim, which connects with both – both with de’os and with Talmud Torah.
📝 Full Transcript
Rambam Hilchos Deios Chapter 7 – Lashon Hara, Rechilus, Nekama and Netira
Introduction – Structure of Hilchos Deios
Speaker 1: Yes, chapter of Hilchos Deios chapter seven, chapter 7. The seventh chapter, the seventh chapter. It should be clear, I just need to know.
Uh, so Hilchos Deios generally contains many mitzvos that have to do with bein adam l’chaveiro, starting from… I don’t need any bein adam l’chaveiro for a mitzvah. But the last few chapters are about bein adam l’chaveiro.
The last chapter we spoke about many halachos regarding how a person should associate with other people, how one behaves when someone insults me, I have to be mochel.
Here we’re going to speak further about speech matters, but it’s primarily the halacha that has to do with speech. It speaks about lashon hara, rechilus, nekama, netira…
So basically two, I mean, one can divide until now also very clear mitzvos. To love another Jew, to associate with the right kind of Jews, how to rebuke another Jew. These are all very basic things, how to deal with other people.
And now we’re going to learn two more basic things. Basically, one is the topic of rechilus, not to speak about another Jew, and the second is the topic of nekama, which is a very basic thing. There can be very many details, and later in the Chofetz Chaim, I know there, you can delve into an ocean of these things, but these are the basics.
Halacha 1 – Hamaragel B’chaveiro: The Prohibition of “Lo Seilech Rachil”
Speaker 1: Very good. The Rambam says, here the Rambam begins with the mitzvah, “Maragel b’chaveiro, over b’lo sa’aseh. Shene’emar” – maragel means… He hasn’t yet said what he means, and the next word… Ragel means, he’s a spy, but it means… He’s going to say in the next piece what he means.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay.
Speaker 1: He’s going to mean all things? It says “Lo seilech rachil b’amecha”, you should not be a rachil, a yachna, a spy, “V’af al pi she’ein lokin alav” – apparently even though there’s no malkos for it… “B’dinei adam” says the Rambam, “V’gorem l’hareig nefashos rabos mi’Yisrael” – it causes… Hareiga means actually killed, or…
Speaker 2: He’ll tell us more, he’s going to say, yes yes, he means literally.
Speaker 1: It causes people to die. “V’al zeh kasuv l’tzido ‘Lo sa’amod al dam rei’echa'”, because rechilus can bring bloodshed.
The Proof from Doeg HaAdomi
The Rambam learns from Doeg HaAdomi, that he told Shaul HaMelech something about David. He told Shaul HaMelech that the kohen there, Achimelech, gave David to eat from the Mishkan there, and because of this Shaul killed the entire city of kohanim. The bit of rechilus that he said caused, he wanted to protect himself, whatever it was, caused a great genocide.
A Novel Point: Doeg Didn’t Know the True Story
I think we also see from Doeg HaAdomi, he was a spy, but he didn’t really know the story. Because when you look into the story, you see that Achimelech didn’t mean to take a position at all. Achimelech helped David. David was very clever in the way he spoke to Achimelech, Achimelech had no choice. Achimelech thought that he came on a mission from Shaul.
So Doeg HaAdomi sees a story that Achimelech takes David’s side, but this happened with a yachna. You tell over half-stories, and it causes many Jewish souls to die.
Halacha 1 (continued) – Eizehu Rachil: The Spy and the Yachna
Speaker 1: Now the Rambam is going to say a few other types of things that are included in lo seilech rachil. The spy is one who reports everything. There are different types, the main thing called rechilus, but there are also other things called lashon hara and motzi shem ra, which are also included in the prohibition, even if they’re not perhaps the main language of the prohibition. The main language is apparently the rechilus, but there are other things that are problematic.
Speaker 2: As you say, he’s not just doing things, he’s loaded with things, yes.
Speaker 1: He’s a spy, he collects information, he’s a yachna who collects information, and then he goes to sell it. “Holech u’megaleh sod”.
Speaker 2: He’s an information carrier.
Speaker 1: Yes, “V’omer kach v’chach amar ploni, kach v’chach shamati al ploni, af al pi she’hu omer emes harei zeh machariv es ha’olam” – he destroys the world.
“Machariv Es Ha’olam” – The Peer Pressure of the Yachna
It’s a true thing, because people have so much peer pressure. When we say peer pressure, who are you afraid of? You’re afraid of the whole world. Actually, who are you afraid of? Of the one yachna, the one carrier and bringer.
The Rambam’s Approach: Describing the Type of Person
Speaker 2: Very good.
Speaker 1: There’s the Rambam, as we’ve already discussed, but different from the Chofetz Chaim who makes very detailed halachos, like there are mitzvos she’b’dibur, the Rambam describes more the type of person. For him it belongs more to the topic of deios, it’s a kind of bad character trait, lashon hara.
Here is a type of person who is the… You call him a yachna, I don’t know if yachna is the best translation. Yachna is a bad way, just a yachna goes around, a yachna is busy on Shabbos Kodesh with who needs help, who needs a shidduch, and who needs to be strengthened. So perhaps that one is looking for a… I don’t know.
But right, perhaps he means more like a… that there are such people whose job this is. They are an information carrier. It’s a thing for the fine Jews, the clever one, the world doesn’t catch that he’s an ish rachil.
And the Rambam describes it this way, he brings the Gemara, “Kach v’chach shamati, kach v’chach amru”. It’s often also such an acceptable society, for people who have nothing to sell. His virtue is, he always knows what that one said about that one. And that’s one thing, then there are other things.
Halacha 2 – Lashon Hara: “Avon Gadol Mizeh Ad Me’od”
Speaker 1: The Rambam says, “V’yesh avon gadol mizeh ad me’od, v’hu bichlal lav zeh, v’hu lashon hara”. He explains, “V’hu hamesaper bignos chaveiro, af al pi she’omer emes”.
Rachil means he comes to say something that’s relevant to you, you should know, that one spoke about you, he brings between people. This is a general thing, he says gnai about that one.
Discussion: The Difference Between Rechilus and Lashon Hara
Speaker 2: Yes, rachil doesn’t even have to be specifically bad things, you see? Rachil isn’t specifically harmful, not harmful. Lashon hara is harmful, he says bad things, dvarim shel gnai. It appears from the Rambam that rachil is not necessarily dvarim shel gnai. Rachil is like the yachna, he’s a people seller, he sells himself all the time. He carries information from one to the other, what each one did and what that one said, and so on.
Speaker 1: When someone tells over something that’s not gnai at all, he’s apparently not transgressing the prohibition of rechilus. The character trait of rechilus one has, there’s no prohibition of speaking about that one.
Speaker 2: Yes, there is. “To’en dvarim meyusarim”, says the Rambam. He doesn’t mean bad things. It doesn’t say bad things. It says “meshiv to’en”, whoever causes that one to say. It’s not… A person should speak about, as the Rambam says, “ma’alos chasadim v’chochma”, not about other people.
Speaker 1: Apparently rechilus is the essential prohibition of speaking about other people.
Speaker 2: No, when he says that one wronged you, that one said something about you. It doesn’t say anything about him saying a bad thing. And lashon hara is when he says simply bignos chaveiro, not that one said about you, but that one is a sinner, that one is a sinner.
Speaker 1: That one said. He doesn’t mean anything bad. This destroys the world. The world is made that people each one should know his own business, and not get involved in that one’s business all the time.
Speaker 2: Can you say that one transgresses a prohibition every time one talks about that one?
Speaker 1: Yes. One can say yes. But what can’t one say? Because people aren’t careful about this? Don’t you see that the world is actually destroyed because of such things? Don’t you see? Don’t you see that the world gets destroyed? As you say all the people who say all the time, I can’t help you, because someone spoke about you briefly, the whole thing, and they destroy the world.
I have… it’s a bit exaggerated. Because it’s part of the world, if you’re not part of the world you grow a lot, because that one, that one, what does that one do, that one found and came…
Discussion: “Holech Rachil Megaleh Sod” – When Is It Permitted?
So it says, if he sent you, if he sent you, if he sends you a greeting, that’s one thing, but if he doesn’t send you, “Kol davar sheb’al tovim ra’ui sheyimalei yimora”, so it says in the Midrash. It’s an extreme thing of revealing that one’s secret, a rachil, that’s a rachil, a megaleh sod, “Holech rachil megaleh sod”, exactly that. The same type, you tell what that one said? Did that one send you to tell? Aha, then it’s a mitzvah. If you weren’t sent, you tell about me to a second person when it’s not relevant? Don’t speak in a normal way, if it’s relevant, it’s not relevant? Aha, it doesn’t seem right to me. It’s somewhat part of lashon hara. Perhaps the opposite, perhaps hara. Wait, let me see. Okay.
Halacha 2 (continued) – Motzi Shem Ra: When One Speaks Falsehood
Speaker 1: So drama, and lashon hara is even when one speaks truth. One says something of gnai, even if it’s true that that person has a matter of gnai, but to tell it is a prohibition.
The Rambam says, that if one speaks lashon hara that is false, one says about that person something that isn’t true, there’s another category that Chazal call “Motzi shem ra al chaveiro nikra”. He doesn’t even say that it’s bad, he says that it has another name motzi shem ra, which is the same bad. The novelty is that lashon hara is even when he speaks truth.
Halacha 2 (continued) – Ba’al Lashon Hara: “Yoshev V’omer”
Speaker 1: But ba’al lashon hara is even when it’s not a ba’al, not he’s a person who always carries lashon hara, he has transgressed now done once a prohibition. But ba’al lashon hara is even worse, one who is a ba’al lashon hara, he always carries lashon hara.
This is already “Yoshev v’omer”. I mean, when standing one can’t speak standing, one gets tired. One sits calmly and he expounds, and he sits on the phone and he says “Kach v’chach, u’ploni kach v’chach, v’avosav kach v’chach, v’chach shamati” etc.
Distinction: Rechilus, Lashon Hara, and Ba’al Lashon Hara
It’s a different kind of rechilus. The rechilus is a bit more refined. The rachil won’t go say what isn’t true. But rechilus is the mixer. Rechilus is the one who makes sure that all information that exists by one should lie by the whole city.
Lashon hara is the piece thing, one who sits and chops at that one. Two different versions.
Rechilus, usually, is from one to the other, “you should know that that one thinks about you this way”, “that one said about you this”. So it says here in the Rambam, or so you say.
Speaker 2: Okay, but truth, yes.
Speaker 1: Lashon hara is he tells over the bad thing. He’s a water carrier, a people-information carrier. A lashon hara is one who speaks always, as the Rambam says with dvarim shel gnai.
Halacha 2 (continued) – “Yachres Hashem Kol Sifsei Chalakos”
Speaker 1: “Al zeh hakasuv omer, ‘Yachres Hashem kol sifsei chalakos, lashon medaberes gedolos'”. This isn’t so clear, perhaps chalakos means bad, smooth. “Medaberes gedolos” perhaps means like he chops at that one. I don’t know clearly what the translation is. “Medaberes” is a language of speaking or of cutting?
Speaker 2: “Medaberes gedolos” is cutting. No, “medaberes gedolos”.
Speaker 1: I mean that often, what does “lashon medaberes gedolos” mean? That he speaks great things, or does it mean something else. “Sifsei chalakos” is usually what we’ve said means flattering words. Or was it said earlier that chalakos means… Perhaps indeed the… I don’t know.
Speaker 2: Yes, so he understands a verse earlier, “shalomi divrei Yisrael sefas chalakos b’lev v’lev yedaberu”.
Speaker 1: But apparently the language is the main point here is the “lashon medaberes gedolos”, he speaks big. I mean something against another person, no?
Halacha 2 (continued) – Shalosh Aveiros Nifra’in Min Ha’adam Ba’olam Hazeh
Speaker 1: The Rambam says, “Amru chachamim, shalosh aveiros nifra’in min ha’adam ba’olam hazeh v’ein lo chelek l’olam haba”. Three sins are very bad, that both one receives punishment in this world, and also in the world to come. “Avodah zarah, v’gilui arayos, u’shfichas damim. V’lashon hara k’neged kulan”. Lashon hara is even worse than all these three. It’s as bad as all three together, perhaps that’s what “k’neged kulan” means.
Ah, “k’neged kulan”. Already the well-known thing that the Chofetz Chaim said that speaking lashon hara is like eating pig. It’s worse than eating pig, it’s like the three severe sins. Apparently what causes the three severe sins? I’ve heard, it causes murder, it can cause the other things too perhaps. I don’t know.
Lashon Hara as Heresy
“V’od amru chachamim, kol hamesaper b’lashon hara, k’ilu kofer ba’ikar, shene’emar ‘asher amru lilshoneinu nagbir'”. People who say for their tongue, let’s let our tongue loose, he speaks about people… Ah, so you see further the “gedolos”, the “nagbir”. He’s a hero with his tongue, his tongue is strong. One whose tongue is his sword, his tongue is what makes him great. He has a… he’s not fearful who has a strong tongue. “Sfaseinu itanu mi adon lanu”. Such a person is like he doesn’t believe in the Creator. “Mi adon lanu”? Who is the master over us?
And he’s finished. It’s heresy.
What is actually how one is kofer ba’ikar? One must understand what the connection is. The punishments and the penalties, but what is the point? Why actually? It’s heresy. He means to say that it’s such a severity. It doesn’t say that it’s such a severity. Just as it said that it’s severe k’neged avodah zarah.
He brings Rabbeinu Yonah and he says that a ba’al lashon hara simply, that he conducts himself in other things, he doesn’t do any sins, he doesn’t go hit that one. But his mouth he thinks that the mouth is hefker, the Almighty isn’t in charge of the mouth, the Almighty is in charge of all other limbs. So says Rabbeinu Yonah, he brings it from the Shelah, it’s an interesting thing.
I would have thought that emunah, I mean it’s also as if, emunah in Hashem means as if the Almighty runs the world, and he can’t do everything himself. A person is very limited in what he can do with his hands, but with the mouth one can do very much. One who says his freedom regarding lashon hara, he’s actually very powerful, he’s actually as if he conducts himself in the world as he says “ein Elokim”, there’s no God, he can do what he wants.
Lashon Hara Kills Three
The Gemara says “Amru chachamim, shelosha lashon hara horegesan”: Lashon hara kills three people. “Ha’omro”, it kills the one who says it, because it makes him a wicked person, yes? It makes him k’neged three severe sins. “V’hamekabelo”, the one who receives lashon hara also, yes? He’s the destroyer. Kills means he’s a destroyer, yes? No, kills means it kills him, like we say “if he says things”, it makes the masses sin, he also gets killed. One must let what he should take revenge on him.
“V’hane’emar alav, v’hamekabelo yoser meha’omro”, the receiver is even worse than the one who says it. It’s interesting, why is the receiver even worse than the one who says it?
I don’t know if Harbor, it kills him more. You’re asking a good question. Both were present. It could be that the receiver (mekabel) is worse than the speaker, because the speaker, poor thing, is laughing it off, he knows it’s not true. The receiver, poor thing, goes and takes it as truth.
The Rambam says, the word “horgetan” (kills them) means that lashon hara is the cause of very much, it creates a dispute (machloket). And who creates the dispute? Not the speaker, right? He caused it, but the dispute is made by the speaker, sorry, the listener. Afterwards it begins with him afterwards. In total, everyone is dead, yes?
So this is the topic of lashon hara itself.
Halacha 4 – Avak Lashon Hara (The Dust of Lashon Hara)
Afterwards there are things that are less severe than lashon hara itself, but they are in the category of lashon hara. It’s called avak lashon hara, the dust of lashon hara. Lashon hara is such a big stone, and this is dust that comes down from it.
For example, “Who would say about so-and-so that he should be as he is now?” What does this mean? Someone says, “Who would have believed that that person would still come to such a state?” You’re not saying anything about that person, but look who the person is, who would have believed that he would, poor thing, deteriorate so much? You didn’t say anything about him, but you said very much.
Or he should say “Be quiet about so-and-so, I don’t want to reveal what happened to him.” “Let’s better not talk.” The Rambam brings it exactly like today’s language. “Let’s better not talk about what happened to that person.” And similar to these words. This is avak lashon hara. You didn’t say anything bad, but everyone understood.
It’s true, this is actual lashon hara. One must think that it’s less than what we said, because what we said, “Let’s not talk about that person, poor thing,” you actually spoke lashon hara.
Praising in the Presence of His Enemies
He says, “And so one who speaks about the good qualities of his friend in the presence of his enemies, this is avak lashon hara.” He incites, he says good things about that person in the presence of his enemies, it’s avak lashon hara. Why? “Because he causes them to speak negatively about him.” Because the enemy won’t be able to restrain himself, he’ll speak negatively about him, “this is like one who speaks lashon hara.”
And about this matter Solomon said… This is Solomon, he understood very well. When it comes to domestic peace (shalom bayit) with the community, they bring in a whole Solomon. King Solomon says, “One who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be considered a curse to him.” What is the word? “One who blesses his friend with a loud voice” – at night, you ate supper at that person’s house and you thank him. “Early in the morning,” the next morning, “it will be considered a curse to him,” because everyone will now go ask him for food. I mean, that’s the parable.
But the Rambam says something else. I don’t know why the explanation comes in, what is the “early in the morning.” The Rambam speaks generally that he is… The Rambam speaks here, that he says things about a person in public, and among the people he says there are his enemies, his enemies won’t begrudge him. “Early in the morning” apparently means a time when everyone hears, perhaps that’s something like that. He already means to begrudge. The Rambam already speaks from the example, the Rambam brings it to the topic of “praising in the presence of his enemies.” Okay, perhaps it means something else, but he doesn’t bring that example.
Yes, it’s very important that a person should know that the other person is not good with him, don’t be a tzaddik who tells. It’s a kind of tale-bearing (rechilut) also, but it can be, he doesn’t mean to speak, he means here in any case. But among friends it’s a mitzvah to speak. Rechilut means about what the other person does, how he goes. He says that he stood wise and it’s not rechilut, I didn’t mean to say that this week. So one must know how to be “one who loves peace and pursues peace.” He means that many times when you think you’re a pursuer of peace, you’ll now go say a compliment about that person’s enemy, which is not a lover of peace, which causes a quarrel. Right, because you’re causing the conversation about how bad that person is.
Lashon Hara Through Joking
And so one who speaks lashon hara through joking and lightheadedness, meaning that he doesn’t speak out of hatred, and you always make a joke at that person’s expense. And this is what Solomon said, this is what Solomon says, “Like one who makes himself weary shooting firebrands, arrows and death”. It’s like a person playing with a gun, he’s playing, he throws “arrows and death.” “So is a man who deceives his friend”, what comes in, in, in noble, only that. I didn’t mean the tricks. He makes a prank. “And says ‘Am I not joking?'”, it’s a joke, it’s a Purim play, it’s everything, we mean jokingly. But you don’t know, already that person can be very hurt.
Lashon Hara Through Hints / Innocence
And so one who speaks lashon hara through hints. Ah, he says, “And he speaks innocently as if he doesn’t know that this thing is lashon hara”. He tells, he says, “I saw so-and-so do this and that.” Ah, I didn’t know that one may not. “Or that he has this flaw, or that he has that flaw, and mentions them before him, and says ‘I don’t know if these are the deeds of so-and-so'”. What does it mean I don’t know, I don’t know, yes. Ah, perhaps they said it, there are people who do so. Ah, you mean that person? Ah, I didn’t know that that person is actually like that.
Perhaps that? I didn’t know that this is lashon hara.
Halacha 5 – Lashon Hara in His Presence and Not in His Presence; Words That Cause Damage
I will explain to you lashon hara in the presence of one’s friend and not in his presence. Lashon hara is both when you say it in the presence of one’s friend, it’s actually the person about whom you’re talking, and not in his presence.
Or speaking words that cause, if they are heard from person to person, if you say something that if it should go further, it causes damage to one’s friend in his body or in his property, even if for the person about whom you’re saying it there’s still no…
It’s not lashon hara. If you say that lashon hara is actually harming someone, that means you go to someone and you make him a groom, you tell him bad information that isn’t true. That’s lashon hara. But you say, “No, I’m saying it to my friend,” but you know that it can arrive, he’ll take it further, which is tale-bearing (rechilut), which will go further.
What can be that a person says something that if everyone who says it adds a drop of exaggeration, and then it’s dangerous.
Even if he speaks it as a secret, it doesn’t remain a secret. Even if he does it to save him or to rebuke him, even if there won’t be damage, it can only be a fright, it can’t be harmful to his body or property, this is very great lashon hara.
Halacha 5 (Continued) – The Permission of “In the Presence of Three” (D’apei Telata)
And if these words were said in the presence of three, the matter has already been heard and is known. And if one of the three tells the matter another time, there is no lashon hara in it.
That means, the Rambam says lashon hara is actually when one harms that person. Even a small harm is harmful to him through telling something bad about him. In other words, you tell it to someone who doesn’t know, or even someone who already knows, but through your telling it goes to the next person. But if something that three people already know, the whole world already knows. If you go tell it further there’s nothing more, it’s not more harmful. And provided that he doesn’t intend, if you do have an intention to make it greater, then it is lashon hara.
The Chafetz Chaim was very unhappy with this permission, he sought very strongly to limit this permission.
Discussion: Rechilut vs. Lashon Hara in This Context
But one must think, because it can be possible that what you call lashon hara means rechilut. You carry, you say further what people say about that person, that’s also rechilut.
No, that’s also not lashon hara. Lashon hara is when one harms the person, and it’s not a mitzvah to be that. The whole reason for what causes if heard from person to person is because you do distance. One must, one can’t say that what brings the point. There is a great prohibition of rechilut, even I brought out that there are things that the person doesn’t even grasp that it’s a bad thing. That still doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t feel…
Halacha 4 (Continued) – Those Who Speak Lashon Hara: It’s Forbidden to Live in Their Neighborhood
One can’t say… I just want to bring out the point. That there is a great prohibition for rechilut, even what I brought out that there are things that people don’t even grasp that it’s a bad thing, that still doesn’t mean that one should conduct oneself in the world as if there are no tale-bearers. Someone says, “Ah, here is a pious city, no one says any rechilut.” The fact is that what one tells arrives. That’s a reality. It is there, whether one has taken the Chafetz Chaim or one hasn’t taken the Chafetz Chaim, that’s the fact. And further, a part of lashon hara is not to do things that, since that’s the fact, will cause harm to another.
The Rambam says further, now we’ve finished the prohibitions of lashon hara and rechilut. Let’s learn… One thing, all these. The Rambam says, “All these are masters of lashon hara”, all these that we’ve enumerated are called masters of lashon hara, “that it’s forbidden to live in their neighborhood”. This is how he began the laws, “teaching that it’s forbidden for a person to live in the neighborhood of wicked people.” What does wicked people mean? Wicked people means masters of lashon hara.
The Rambam doesn’t just say lashon hara, but “master of lashon hara,” who does this regularly. In other words, not just, apparently what he says now, is not just someone who says actually, he says “such and such did so-and-so.” Even avak lashon hara, even the hints, even all these things, someone who is such a type, he does this regularly, he is the master of lashon hara. “And all the more so to sit with them and hear their words”.
The Severity of Lashon Hara – The Story of the Spies
He finishes with another… He enumerated so many statements of the Sages about the condemnation of lashon hara. “The decree was not sealed on our forefathers in the desert except for lashon hara alone”. Did they stand there and speak lashon hara about the Holy One, Blessed be He? No. About the Land of Israel? No, he means the spies. But the Mishna brings this. “The decree was not sealed on our forefathers in the desert except for lashon hara, as it says ‘and they have tested me these ten times'”. And in the end, this is by the spies, when ten times they sinned there was no decree, but lashon hara became a decree.
I mean we’ve finished the chapter. And the inheritance of robbers. I mean the word is that there one becomes aware about whom the lashon hara was. I don’t know. The point is that the problem is that you challenge going somewhere, this is certainly no novelty for the learners. They made a narrative that this is difficult, and this is a great danger, one really couldn’t go. This is the severity of lashon hara. One makes a narrative, it’s called in English. In Yiddish, I don’t know what language.
Two Reasons Why One May Not Live With Masters of Lashon Hara
So, until here the laws of… Another reason why one may not live with masters of lashon hara is because they will reveal everyone’s wickedness. Suddenly you’ll become aware that the place is a place of wicked people where one may not live there. And why? Because you convince yourself so, you won’t improve. Actually so, because if you’ll hear about everyone bad things, you won’t actually improve. Everyone is bad, everyone is corrupt, I may also be. They’re all wicked, at least will I be the only one who may not steal? Everyone steals, let me also steal. It begins with lashon hara. This is the corruption that influences people badly. That’s true.
Okay. The Rambam says further. But also because it’s dangerous. You don’t want to live in his neighborhood. He’ll harm you. Sealed on this. Now we’ll learn about the prohibition of revenge.
Halacha 7 – Revenge (Nekama)
The Rambam says, “One who takes revenge from his friend, transgresses a negative commandment, as it says ‘Do not take revenge'”. The Rambam says, “Even though he is not lashed for it, it is a very bad trait”. A bad character trait. “Rather, it is fitting for a person to overlook all worldly matters”. Ah, this comes to a new level. A whole new explanation.
“Overlook All Worldly Matters” – The Whole World is Vanity
What? This comes to a whole new explanation. Not just to overlook one’s character traits, but because the whole world isn’t worth anything. He said earlier that if a person hurt you, you should think that he has a confused opinion. He now says, all people have somewhat confused opinions. Everything that has to do with the world is flawed. And the wise learn to overlook all worldly matters. All worldly matters should be nullified by oneself. The whole world isn’t worth one groan. “Because everything to those with understanding are matters of vanity and futility”. True understanders understand that the essence is Godliness. The essence is knowledge of God, all other things are matters of vanity and chasing wind, foolishness. To take revenge on someone, it’s not worth getting angry at them. Yes. Apparently the Rambam had a problem here, because revenge is apparently a very rational thing, he had to come to this whole explanation to explain why not to be affected at all. Why is revenge bad? That person did something to me, I do it back to him, I’ll listen to him. Yes? What are you reading? He did something to you, and you don’t want to lend him your hammer. Come down with the hammer, one must come down so far until the nullification of this entire world. Yes. One must go to the root of the matter, like… One must go to the… Yes. I say, if it’s a novelty, because usually one can say, ah, it’s perhaps… Okay, one helped Abraham in the desert for social reasons. No, here one had to come until there, because the very “Do not take revenge,” it seems is a difficult thing to ask of a person. One must come until there to explain this.
And What is Revenge – The Parable of Your Axe
And what is revenge? He said to him lend me your axe, he said to him I won’t lend you. The next day he needs to borrow from him, he said to him lend me your axe, he said to him I won’t lend you just as you didn’t lend me when I asked from you, this is one who takes revenge. Rather what should he do? When he comes to borrow from him he should give with a full heart and not repay him as he repaid him, and so all similar to these. And so David said in his good traits, if I have repaid those at peace with me with evil, I have never given back… If I would have given back for the… I haven’t, I have never conducted myself to give back evil for those who did bad things to me. And I would release my oppressor empty-handed.
And I would… He goes with the continuation, and what does “and I would release” mean? He means that I have repaid those at peace with me with evil and I gave to my oppressors emptiness, nothingness? As Rashi explains… Not clear. Simply been, ah, yes, I would have stripped them naked. Then if he pursues… He says, if… He put himself in the situation, if I gave to the one who treats me badly, I would have been avenged back, then such and such could happen to me. But I didn’t do so, because I, even for my enemies, as one actually sees by Saul, he didn’t take revenge even on his enemies. The king is actually a great tzaddik, he can’t compare to him, but okay.
Discussion: Who Lends to Whom? The Situation of “Lend Me Your Axe”
And this is the topic of revenge. Now one can speak about another thing that is similar to this which is called bearing a grudge (netira). Someone, even if he doesn’t do it back, but netira, one holds, one remembers, one is affected, one remembers it. A netira, one holds the hatred. I’m not a grudge-bearer. Grudge-bearer means a language of guarding, he guards the feeling, not that he lets it run. “One transgresses ‘Do not take revenge and do not bear a grudge against the children of your people'”.
How so? Reuven said to Shimon “Lend me your axe.” He said to him “I won’t lend you.” Days later Shimon needed to borrow from Reuven. Reuven said to him “Here it is for you, I’m not like you who didn’t lend me”. This is what the Sages taught “What is bearing a grudge? Anyone who said to him lend me your sickle, he said to him no. The next day he said to him lend me your axe, he said to him here it is, I’m not like you who didn’t lend me.” This is bearing a grudge.
Besides this one transgresses “Do not bear a grudge.” Very interesting, because one of the things is the prohibition to think. King David also said, “If I have repaid.” He didn’t speak personally to a certain person, he speaks to the Almighty.
Speaker 2: It’s very good what you’re saying. You have a question, someone asked, I told you how can one fulfill “lo tikom”? You go, you lend to everyone in the world your… to whom do you lend? To the one that you lend… It occurs to him when he says the language, “hashem shlosha panim,” there are three people. Very good. So, the simple meaning is, we’re not talking about just anyone, a person will certainly lend to his friends. He’s not obligated now to agree for the whole world. He agrees for whom it makes sense to him, that it makes sense. But the revenge comes fighting, “Ah, you weren’t my friend, but now, the second time…” The simple meaning is that it comes yes, yes, the second one already has unity with the first when he comes back. So the simple meaning in the situation is only two, I know he has it twice. You would have lent it, because it makes sense. This way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the wrong by both when they come in the Torah is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, keeping accounts. If just, I didn’t have enough, I had a bad mood, okay. So apparently this is what the Rambam says that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who…
Halacha 7 (Continued) – Netira
Rather, and the Rambam says further, rather, what should one do? Rather, he should erase the matter from his heart and not bear a grudge, for as long as he bears a grudge about the matter and remembers it, he may come to take revenge. Therefore the Torah was strict about bearing a grudge until he erases the wrong from his heart completely and doesn’t remember it. And this is the proper approach by which settlement of the land and the business and trade of people with one another can be maintained.
The Contrast Between the Reasons for Nekama and Netira
This is the proper measure how one can have that the world should be a place of settlement, when a person should be able to deal, because people are weak, people sometimes wrong one another. And when one will remember it the whole time, there will be no end.
It’s very interesting, because a minute ago by nekama the Rambam arrived at the conclusion that the whole world is not worthwhile. Suddenly he goes back that this world is also worthwhile to preserve. Because he means to say, yes, if a person will keep accounts three generations back, that’s not a way.
Netira is a Sin, Not Just a Deficiency in the Trait of Piety
It’s very interesting, to forgive netira is lifnim mishurat hadin apparently. But even netira, he does indeed do the forgiveness in his heart, we would always think that this is a great trait of piety. But he says that it’s a sin. If you think, it’s a nice thing, because the person remembers that you didn’t serve him yesterday, and he knows that you did serve him today. If you wouldn’t have told him, he wouldn’t have known. Yes, he will finally apparently feel bad, and he will do something back for a good thing next time, if he’s a good person, if he’s… yes. But you see that the Rambam says that this is not a… one needs already the legitimacy for this… not just once, I’m personally letting go. The world requires that one should forgive you, because if not, as that one said, the whole world will keep accounts one for the other, one carries this, until the whole world will be one blend. Yes, it’s not a way. At some point one must forgive. This is an obligation.
Discussion: Why by Nekama a Philosophical Reason and by Netira a Practical One?
Speaker 2: This is perhaps not better, because if so one must understand why by nekama he did say “chuck, let’s become words of love,” because he will say because this way one can forgive. You know, perhaps netira is worse? It’s like according to your approach I asked, perhaps it can’t be worse, because he says that it will bring to a fight. Ah, right.
“Hareini Mochel” Every Night
It’s a beautiful thing to say every night “hareini mochel.” It’s a tremendous thing. One should remember that the whole world is worth nothing, it’s all a fleeting dream, and one throws away all baggage. I see that in netira one sees that the same as “lo tisna et achicha bilvavecha,” like hatred, that we’re speaking here, perhaps if “lo titor” wouldn’t have been written it would also have been forbidden because of “lo tisna.”
A Person Cannot Demand “Refined Things”
A strong thing that everyone must truly be aware of, that you should tell him, he did anger you. But everyone is not aware, that one is not obligated to me in things. Ah, very good. He brings himself the obligation. You say he’s so refined, he wasn’t nice to me. It’s not that I make him an obligation. These are refined things. You can demand something, you must be nicer to me. Then he’s indeed. And you come to say, what, you didn’t smile at me. It’s not very fair. When he wronged you, one can hold it against him, say that one doesn’t speak with him anymore.
Speaker 2: It’s very good what you’re saying. You have a question, someone asked, I told you how can one fulfill “lo tikom”? You go, you lend to everyone in the world your… to whom do you lend? To the one that you lend… It occurs to him when he says the language, “hashem shlosha panim,” there are three people. Very good. So, the simple meaning is, we’re not talking about just anyone, a person will certainly lend to his friends. He’s not obligated now to agree for the whole world. He agrees for whom it makes sense to him, that it makes sense. But the revenge comes fighting, “Ah, you weren’t my friend, but now, the second time…” The simple meaning is that it comes yes, yes, the second one already has unity with the first when he comes back. So the simple meaning in the situation is only two, I know he has it twice. You would have lent it, because it makes sense. This way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the wrong by both when they come in the Torah is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, keeping accounts. If just, I didn’t have enough, I had a bad mood, okay. So apparently this is what the Rambam says that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who…
Halacha 7 (Continued) – The Sin by Nekama and Netira is in the Words
You would have lent it, because it makes sense this way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the sin by both when it comes to nekama and netira is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, accounts, the accounts help. If just, one didn’t give me, made me from a bad mood. Okay.
So apparently, this is what the Rambam says, that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who did this to me, you did this to me. Go, go on, forgive, be forgiving. If that one behaved then there is indeed a real thing.
Practical Question: Wedding Lists, Mishloach Manot, and Charity Links
What is, someone has a list of who came to his wedding, he goes to that one’s wedding? Did he transgress a verse? No, it was heard, there is a level of friends. A person may know, he’s my friend number one, he’s my friend from class, he’s my friend from class, and that one is such from a minute in and out, one dances, buddy. It’s not netira.
What is indeed netira is when you ask him, “Why didn’t you come to my wedding?” “Because you didn’t come to my wedding.” That was a fight.
People always have the links. Yes, he has a link for charity, and the person who gave him, he gives back, and that one not. I’m not obligated, because we are not the friends who exchange mishloach manot all the time.
Fine, good. So one must certainly think when is yes and when is not. One must fulfill, increase love in the world, but yes.
—
Conclusion of Hilchot Deot
Already, it was a short and fiery one indeed. Already, we have finished Hilchot Deot. Now we already know both what one must do, both what one must know, both what one must with the Torah, what one must with the Torah.
Connection to Other Halachot
Afterwards there is ahavat hager, ahavat re’acha kamocha, one can very much learn, pray. Apparently Hilchot Talmud Torah is connected more to Yesodei HaTorah, which is things that one must know. Ah, there is also in this Deot of honor to cherish Torah scholars, it’s very interesting, it connects with both. Okay, we have arrived, with God’s help tomorrow.