הלכות דעות פרק ז

Rambam Hilchos Deios Chapter 7 – Lashon Hara, Rechilus, Nekama and Netira

Introduction – Structure of Hilchos Deios

Speaker 1: Yes, chapter of Hilchos Deios chapter seven, chapter 7. The seventh chapter, the seventh chapter. It should be clear, I just need to know.

Uh, so Hilchos Deios generally contains many mitzvos that have to do with bein adam l’chaveiro, starting from… I don’t need any bein adam l’chaveiro for a mitzvah. But the last few chapters are about bein adam l’chaveiro.

The last chapter we spoke about many halachos regarding how a person should associate with other people, how one behaves when someone insults me, I have to be mochel.

Here we’re going to speak further about speech matters, but it’s primarily the halacha that has to do with speech. It speaks about lashon hara, rechilus, nekama, netira…

So basically two, I mean, one can divide until now also very clear mitzvos. To love another Jew, to associate with the right kind of Jews, how to rebuke another Jew. These are all very basic things, how to deal with other people.

And now we’re going to learn two more basic things. Basically, one is the topic of rechilus, not to speak about another Jew, and the second is the topic of nekama, which is a very basic thing. There can be very many details, and later in the Chofetz Chaim, I know there, you can delve into an ocean of these things, but these are the basics.

Halacha 1 – Hamaragel B’chaveiro: The Prohibition of “Lo Seilech Rachil”

Speaker 1: Very good. The Rambam says, here the Rambam begins with the mitzvah, “Maragel b’chaveiro, over b’lo sa’aseh. Shene’emar” – maragel means… He hasn’t yet said what he means, and the next word… Ragel means, he’s a spy, but it means… He’s going to say in the next piece what he means.

Speaker 2: Yes, okay.

Speaker 1: He’s going to mean all things? It says “Lo seilech rachil b’amecha”, you should not be a rachil, a yachna, a spy, “V’af al pi she’ein lokin alav” – apparently even though there’s no malkos for it… “B’dinei adam” says the Rambam, “V’gorem l’hareig nefashos rabos mi’Yisrael” – it causes… Hareiga means actually killed, or…

Speaker 2: He’ll tell us more, he’s going to say, yes yes, he means literally.

Speaker 1: It causes people to die. “V’al zeh kasuv l’tzido ‘Lo sa’amod al dam rei’echa'”, because rechilus can bring bloodshed.

The Proof from Doeg HaAdomi

The Rambam learns from Doeg HaAdomi, that he told Shaul HaMelech something about David. He told Shaul HaMelech that the kohen there, Achimelech, gave David to eat from the Mishkan there, and because of this Shaul killed the entire city of kohanim. The bit of rechilus that he said caused, he wanted to protect himself, whatever it was, caused a great genocide.

A Novel Point: Doeg Didn’t Know the True Story

I think we also see from Doeg HaAdomi, he was a spy, but he didn’t really know the story. Because when you look into the story, you see that Achimelech didn’t mean to take a position at all. Achimelech helped David. David was very clever in the way he spoke to Achimelech, Achimelech had no choice. Achimelech thought that he came on a mission from Shaul.

So Doeg HaAdomi sees a story that Achimelech takes David’s side, but this happened with a yachna. You tell over half-stories, and it causes many Jewish souls to die.

Halacha 1 (continued) – Eizehu Rachil: The Spy and the Yachna

Speaker 1: Now the Rambam is going to say a few other types of things that are included in lo seilech rachil. The spy is one who reports everything. There are different types, the main thing called rechilus, but there are also other things called lashon hara and motzi shem ra, which are also included in the prohibition, even if they’re not perhaps the main language of the prohibition. The main language is apparently the rechilus, but there are other things that are problematic.

Speaker 2: As you say, he’s not just doing things, he’s loaded with things, yes.

Speaker 1: He’s a spy, he collects information, he’s a yachna who collects information, and then he goes to sell it. “Holech u’megaleh sod”.

Speaker 2: He’s an information carrier.

Speaker 1: Yes, “V’omer kach v’chach amar ploni, kach v’chach shamati al ploni, af al pi she’hu omer emes harei zeh machariv es ha’olam” – he destroys the world.

“Machariv Es Ha’olam” – The Peer Pressure of the Yachna

It’s a true thing, because people have so much peer pressure. When we say peer pressure, who are you afraid of? You’re afraid of the whole world. Actually, who are you afraid of? Of the one yachna, the one carrier and bringer.

The Rambam’s Approach: Describing the Type of Person

Speaker 2: Very good.

Speaker 1: There’s the Rambam, as we’ve already discussed, but different from the Chofetz Chaim who makes very detailed halachos, like there are mitzvos she’b’dibur, the Rambam describes more the type of person. For him it belongs more to the topic of deios, it’s a kind of bad character trait, lashon hara.

Here is a type of person who is the… You call him a yachna, I don’t know if yachna is the best translation. Yachna is a bad way, just a yachna goes around, a yachna is busy on Shabbos Kodesh with who needs help, who needs a shidduch, and who needs to be strengthened. So perhaps that one is looking for a… I don’t know.

But right, perhaps he means more like a… that there are such people whose job this is. They are an information carrier. It’s a thing for the fine Jews, the clever one, the world doesn’t catch that he’s an ish rachil.

And the Rambam describes it this way, he brings the Gemara, “Kach v’chach shamati, kach v’chach amru”. It’s often also such an acceptable society, for people who have nothing to sell. His virtue is, he always knows what that one said about that one. And that’s one thing, then there are other things.

Halacha 2 – Lashon Hara: “Avon Gadol Mizeh Ad Me’od”

Speaker 1: The Rambam says, “V’yesh avon gadol mizeh ad me’od, v’hu bichlal lav zeh, v’hu lashon hara”. He explains, “V’hu hamesaper bignos chaveiro, af al pi she’omer emes”.

Rachil means he comes to say something that’s relevant to you, you should know, that one spoke about you, he brings between people. This is a general thing, he says gnai about that one.

Discussion: The Difference Between Rechilus and Lashon Hara

Speaker 2: Yes, rachil doesn’t even have to be specifically bad things, you see? Rachil isn’t specifically harmful, not harmful. Lashon hara is harmful, he says bad things, dvarim shel gnai. It appears from the Rambam that rachil is not necessarily dvarim shel gnai. Rachil is like the yachna, he’s a people seller, he sells himself all the time. He carries information from one to the other, what each one did and what that one said, and so on.

Speaker 1: When someone tells over something that’s not gnai at all, he’s apparently not transgressing the prohibition of rechilus. The character trait of rechilus one has, there’s no prohibition of speaking about that one.

Speaker 2: Yes, there is. “To’en dvarim meyusarim”, says the Rambam. He doesn’t mean bad things. It doesn’t say bad things. It says “meshiv to’en”, whoever causes that one to say. It’s not… A person should speak about, as the Rambam says, “ma’alos chasadim v’chochma”, not about other people.

Speaker 1: Apparently rechilus is the essential prohibition of speaking about other people.

Speaker 2: No, when he says that one wronged you, that one said something about you. It doesn’t say anything about him saying a bad thing. And lashon hara is when he says simply bignos chaveiro, not that one said about you, but that one is a sinner, that one is a sinner.

Speaker 1: That one said. He doesn’t mean anything bad. This destroys the world. The world is made that people each one should know his own business, and not get involved in that one’s business all the time.

Speaker 2: Can you say that one transgresses a prohibition every time one talks about that one?

Speaker 1: Yes. One can say yes. But what can’t one say? Because people aren’t careful about this? Don’t you see that the world is actually destroyed because of such things? Don’t you see? Don’t you see that the world gets destroyed? As you say all the people who say all the time, I can’t help you, because someone spoke about you briefly, the whole thing, and they destroy the world.

I have… it’s a bit exaggerated. Because it’s part of the world, if you’re not part of the world you grow a lot, because that one, that one, what does that one do, that one found and came…

Discussion: “Holech Rachil Megaleh Sod” – When Is It Permitted?

So it says, if he sent you, if he sent you, if he sends you a greeting, that’s one thing, but if he doesn’t send you, “Kol davar sheb’al tovim ra’ui sheyimalei yimora”, so it says in the Midrash. It’s an extreme thing of revealing that one’s secret, a rachil, that’s a rachil, a megaleh sod, “Holech rachil megaleh sod”, exactly that. The same type, you tell what that one said? Did that one send you to tell? Aha, then it’s a mitzvah. If you weren’t sent, you tell about me to a second person when it’s not relevant? Don’t speak in a normal way, if it’s relevant, it’s not relevant? Aha, it doesn’t seem right to me. It’s somewhat part of lashon hara. Perhaps the opposite, perhaps hara. Wait, let me see. Okay.

Halacha 2 (continued) – Motzi Shem Ra: When One Speaks Falsehood

Speaker 1: So drama, and lashon hara is even when one speaks truth. One says something of gnai, even if it’s true that that person has a matter of gnai, but to tell it is a prohibition.

The Rambam says, that if one speaks lashon hara that is false, one says about that person something that isn’t true, there’s another category that Chazal call “Motzi shem ra al chaveiro nikra”. He doesn’t even say that it’s bad, he says that it has another name motzi shem ra, which is the same bad. The novelty is that lashon hara is even when he speaks truth.

Halacha 2 (continued) – Ba’al Lashon Hara: “Yoshev V’omer”

Speaker 1: But ba’al lashon hara is even when it’s not a ba’al, not he’s a person who always carries lashon hara, he has transgressed now done once a prohibition. But ba’al lashon hara is even worse, one who is a ba’al lashon hara, he always carries lashon hara.

This is already “Yoshev v’omer”. I mean, when standing one can’t speak standing, one gets tired. One sits calmly and he expounds, and he sits on the phone and he says “Kach v’chach, u’ploni kach v’chach, v’avosav kach v’chach, v’chach shamati” etc.

Distinction: Rechilus, Lashon Hara, and Ba’al Lashon Hara

It’s a different kind of rechilus. The rechilus is a bit more refined. The rachil won’t go say what isn’t true. But rechilus is the mixer. Rechilus is the one who makes sure that all information that exists by one should lie by the whole city.

Lashon hara is the piece thing, one who sits and chops at that one. Two different versions.

Rechilus, usually, is from one to the other, “you should know that that one thinks about you this way”, “that one said about you this”. So it says here in the Rambam, or so you say.

Speaker 2: Okay, but truth, yes.

Speaker 1: Lashon hara is he tells over the bad thing. He’s a water carrier, a people-information carrier. A lashon hara is one who speaks always, as the Rambam says with dvarim shel gnai.

Halacha 2 (continued) – “Yachres Hashem Kol Sifsei Chalakos”

Speaker 1: “Al zeh hakasuv omer, ‘Yachres Hashem kol sifsei chalakos, lashon medaberes gedolos'”. This isn’t so clear, perhaps chalakos means bad, smooth. “Medaberes gedolos” perhaps means like he chops at that one. I don’t know clearly what the translation is. “Medaberes” is a language of speaking or of cutting?

Speaker 2: “Medaberes gedolos” is cutting. No, “medaberes gedolos”.

Speaker 1: I mean that often, what does “lashon medaberes gedolos” mean? That he speaks great things, or does it mean something else. “Sifsei chalakos” is usually what we’ve said means flattering words. Or was it said earlier that chalakos means… Perhaps indeed the… I don’t know.

Speaker 2: Yes, so he understands a verse earlier, “shalomi divrei Yisrael sefas chalakos b’lev v’lev yedaberu”.

Speaker 1: But apparently the language is the main point here is the “lashon medaberes gedolos”, he speaks big. I mean something against another person, no?

Halacha 2 (continued) – Shalosh Aveiros Nifra’in Min Ha’adam Ba’olam Hazeh

Speaker 1: The Rambam says, “Amru chachamim, shalosh aveiros nifra’in min ha’adam ba’olam hazeh v’ein lo chelek l’olam haba”. Three sins are very bad, that both one receives punishment in this world, and also in the world to come. “Avodah zarah, v’gilui arayos, u’shfichas damim. V’lashon hara k’neged kulan”. Lashon hara is even worse than all these three. It’s as bad as all three together, perhaps that’s what “k’neged kulan” means.

Ah, “k’neged kulan”. Already the well-known thing that the Chofetz Chaim said that speaking lashon hara is like eating pig. It’s worse than eating pig, it’s like the three severe sins. Apparently what causes the three severe sins? I’ve heard, it causes murder, it can cause the other things too perhaps. I don’t know.

Lashon Hara as Heresy

“V’od amru chachamim, kol hamesaper b’lashon hara, k’ilu kofer ba’ikar, shene’emar ‘asher amru lilshoneinu nagbir'”. People who say for their tongue, let’s let our tongue loose, he speaks about people… Ah, so you see further the “gedolos”, the “nagbir”. He’s a hero with his tongue, his tongue is strong. One whose tongue is his sword, his tongue is what makes him great. He has a… he’s not fearful who has a strong tongue. “Sfaseinu itanu mi adon lanu”. Such a person is like he doesn’t believe in the Creator. “Mi adon lanu”? Who is the master over us?

And he’s finished. It’s heresy.

What is actually how one is kofer ba’ikar? One must understand what the connection is. The punishments and the penalties, but what is the point? Why actually? It’s heresy. He means to say that it’s such a severity. It doesn’t say that it’s such a severity. Just as it said that it’s severe k’neged avodah zarah.

He brings Rabbeinu Yonah and he says that a ba’al lashon hara simply, that he conducts himself in other things, he doesn’t do any sins, he doesn’t go hit that one. But his mouth he thinks that the mouth is hefker, the Almighty isn’t in charge of the mouth, the Almighty is in charge of all other limbs. So says Rabbeinu Yonah, he brings it from the Shelah, it’s an interesting thing.

I would have thought that emunah, I mean it’s also as if, emunah in Hashem means as if the Almighty runs the world, and he can’t do everything himself. A person is very limited in what he can do with his hands, but with the mouth one can do very much. One who says his freedom regarding lashon hara, he’s actually very powerful, he’s actually as if he conducts himself in the world as he says “ein Elokim”, there’s no God, he can do what he wants.

Lashon Hara Kills Three

The Gemara says “Amru chachamim, shelosha lashon hara horegesan”: Lashon hara kills three people. “Ha’omro”, it kills the one who says it, because it makes him a wicked person, yes? It makes him k’neged three severe sins. “V’hamekabelo”, the one who receives lashon hara also, yes? He’s the destroyer. Kills means he’s a destroyer, yes? No, kills means it kills him, like we say “if he says things”, it makes the masses sin, he also gets killed. One must let what he should take revenge on him.

“V’hane’emar alav, v’hamekabelo yoser meha’omro”, the receiver is even worse than the one who says it. It’s interesting, why is the receiver even worse than the one who says it?

I don’t know if Harbor, it kills him more. You’re asking a good question. Both were present. It could be that the receiver (mekabel) is worse than the speaker, because the speaker, poor thing, is laughing it off, he knows it’s not true. The receiver, poor thing, goes and takes it as truth.

The Rambam says, the word “horgetan” (kills them) means that lashon hara is the cause of very much, it creates a dispute (machloket). And who creates the dispute? Not the speaker, right? He caused it, but the dispute is made by the speaker, sorry, the listener. Afterwards it begins with him afterwards. In total, everyone is dead, yes?

So this is the topic of lashon hara itself.

Halacha 4 – Avak Lashon Hara (The Dust of Lashon Hara)

Afterwards there are things that are less severe than lashon hara itself, but they are in the category of lashon hara. It’s called avak lashon hara, the dust of lashon hara. Lashon hara is such a big stone, and this is dust that comes down from it.

For example, “Who would say about so-and-so that he should be as he is now?” What does this mean? Someone says, “Who would have believed that that person would still come to such a state?” You’re not saying anything about that person, but look who the person is, who would have believed that he would, poor thing, deteriorate so much? You didn’t say anything about him, but you said very much.

Or he should say “Be quiet about so-and-so, I don’t want to reveal what happened to him.” “Let’s better not talk.” The Rambam brings it exactly like today’s language. “Let’s better not talk about what happened to that person.” And similar to these words. This is avak lashon hara. You didn’t say anything bad, but everyone understood.

It’s true, this is actual lashon hara. One must think that it’s less than what we said, because what we said, “Let’s not talk about that person, poor thing,” you actually spoke lashon hara.

Praising in the Presence of His Enemies

He says, “And so one who speaks about the good qualities of his friend in the presence of his enemies, this is avak lashon hara.” He incites, he says good things about that person in the presence of his enemies, it’s avak lashon hara. Why? “Because he causes them to speak negatively about him.” Because the enemy won’t be able to restrain himself, he’ll speak negatively about him, “this is like one who speaks lashon hara.”

And about this matter Solomon said… This is Solomon, he understood very well. When it comes to domestic peace (shalom bayit) with the community, they bring in a whole Solomon. King Solomon says, “One who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be considered a curse to him.” What is the word? “One who blesses his friend with a loud voice” – at night, you ate supper at that person’s house and you thank him. “Early in the morning,” the next morning, “it will be considered a curse to him,” because everyone will now go ask him for food. I mean, that’s the parable.

But the Rambam says something else. I don’t know why the explanation comes in, what is the “early in the morning.” The Rambam speaks generally that he is… The Rambam speaks here, that he says things about a person in public, and among the people he says there are his enemies, his enemies won’t begrudge him. “Early in the morning” apparently means a time when everyone hears, perhaps that’s something like that. He already means to begrudge. The Rambam already speaks from the example, the Rambam brings it to the topic of “praising in the presence of his enemies.” Okay, perhaps it means something else, but he doesn’t bring that example.

Yes, it’s very important that a person should know that the other person is not good with him, don’t be a tzaddik who tells. It’s a kind of tale-bearing (rechilut) also, but it can be, he doesn’t mean to speak, he means here in any case. But among friends it’s a mitzvah to speak. Rechilut means about what the other person does, how he goes. He says that he stood wise and it’s not rechilut, I didn’t mean to say that this week. So one must know how to be “one who loves peace and pursues peace.” He means that many times when you think you’re a pursuer of peace, you’ll now go say a compliment about that person’s enemy, which is not a lover of peace, which causes a quarrel. Right, because you’re causing the conversation about how bad that person is.

Lashon Hara Through Joking

And so one who speaks lashon hara through joking and lightheadedness, meaning that he doesn’t speak out of hatred, and you always make a joke at that person’s expense. And this is what Solomon said, this is what Solomon says, “Like one who makes himself weary shooting firebrands, arrows and death”. It’s like a person playing with a gun, he’s playing, he throws “arrows and death.” “So is a man who deceives his friend”, what comes in, in, in noble, only that. I didn’t mean the tricks. He makes a prank. “And says ‘Am I not joking?'”, it’s a joke, it’s a Purim play, it’s everything, we mean jokingly. But you don’t know, already that person can be very hurt.

Lashon Hara Through Hints / Innocence

And so one who speaks lashon hara through hints. Ah, he says, “And he speaks innocently as if he doesn’t know that this thing is lashon hara”. He tells, he says, “I saw so-and-so do this and that.” Ah, I didn’t know that one may not. “Or that he has this flaw, or that he has that flaw, and mentions them before him, and says ‘I don’t know if these are the deeds of so-and-so'”. What does it mean I don’t know, I don’t know, yes. Ah, perhaps they said it, there are people who do so. Ah, you mean that person? Ah, I didn’t know that that person is actually like that.

Perhaps that? I didn’t know that this is lashon hara.

Halacha 5 – Lashon Hara in His Presence and Not in His Presence; Words That Cause Damage

I will explain to you lashon hara in the presence of one’s friend and not in his presence. Lashon hara is both when you say it in the presence of one’s friend, it’s actually the person about whom you’re talking, and not in his presence.

Or speaking words that cause, if they are heard from person to person, if you say something that if it should go further, it causes damage to one’s friend in his body or in his property, even if for the person about whom you’re saying it there’s still no…

It’s not lashon hara. If you say that lashon hara is actually harming someone, that means you go to someone and you make him a groom, you tell him bad information that isn’t true. That’s lashon hara. But you say, “No, I’m saying it to my friend,” but you know that it can arrive, he’ll take it further, which is tale-bearing (rechilut), which will go further.

What can be that a person says something that if everyone who says it adds a drop of exaggeration, and then it’s dangerous.

Even if he speaks it as a secret, it doesn’t remain a secret. Even if he does it to save him or to rebuke him, even if there won’t be damage, it can only be a fright, it can’t be harmful to his body or property, this is very great lashon hara.

Halacha 5 (Continued) – The Permission of “In the Presence of Three” (D’apei Telata)

And if these words were said in the presence of three, the matter has already been heard and is known. And if one of the three tells the matter another time, there is no lashon hara in it.

That means, the Rambam says lashon hara is actually when one harms that person. Even a small harm is harmful to him through telling something bad about him. In other words, you tell it to someone who doesn’t know, or even someone who already knows, but through your telling it goes to the next person. But if something that three people already know, the whole world already knows. If you go tell it further there’s nothing more, it’s not more harmful. And provided that he doesn’t intend, if you do have an intention to make it greater, then it is lashon hara.

The Chafetz Chaim was very unhappy with this permission, he sought very strongly to limit this permission.

Discussion: Rechilut vs. Lashon Hara in This Context

But one must think, because it can be possible that what you call lashon hara means rechilut. You carry, you say further what people say about that person, that’s also rechilut.

No, that’s also not lashon hara. Lashon hara is when one harms the person, and it’s not a mitzvah to be that. The whole reason for what causes if heard from person to person is because you do distance. One must, one can’t say that what brings the point. There is a great prohibition of rechilut, even I brought out that there are things that the person doesn’t even grasp that it’s a bad thing. That still doesn’t mean that one shouldn’t feel…

Halacha 4 (Continued) – Those Who Speak Lashon Hara: It’s Forbidden to Live in Their Neighborhood

One can’t say… I just want to bring out the point. That there is a great prohibition for rechilut, even what I brought out that there are things that people don’t even grasp that it’s a bad thing, that still doesn’t mean that one should conduct oneself in the world as if there are no tale-bearers. Someone says, “Ah, here is a pious city, no one says any rechilut.” The fact is that what one tells arrives. That’s a reality. It is there, whether one has taken the Chafetz Chaim or one hasn’t taken the Chafetz Chaim, that’s the fact. And further, a part of lashon hara is not to do things that, since that’s the fact, will cause harm to another.

The Rambam says further, now we’ve finished the prohibitions of lashon hara and rechilut. Let’s learn… One thing, all these. The Rambam says, “All these are masters of lashon hara”, all these that we’ve enumerated are called masters of lashon hara, “that it’s forbidden to live in their neighborhood”. This is how he began the laws, “teaching that it’s forbidden for a person to live in the neighborhood of wicked people.” What does wicked people mean? Wicked people means masters of lashon hara.

The Rambam doesn’t just say lashon hara, but “master of lashon hara,” who does this regularly. In other words, not just, apparently what he says now, is not just someone who says actually, he says “such and such did so-and-so.” Even avak lashon hara, even the hints, even all these things, someone who is such a type, he does this regularly, he is the master of lashon hara. “And all the more so to sit with them and hear their words”.

The Severity of Lashon Hara – The Story of the Spies

He finishes with another… He enumerated so many statements of the Sages about the condemnation of lashon hara. “The decree was not sealed on our forefathers in the desert except for lashon hara alone”. Did they stand there and speak lashon hara about the Holy One, Blessed be He? No. About the Land of Israel? No, he means the spies. But the Mishna brings this. “The decree was not sealed on our forefathers in the desert except for lashon hara, as it says ‘and they have tested me these ten times'”. And in the end, this is by the spies, when ten times they sinned there was no decree, but lashon hara became a decree.

I mean we’ve finished the chapter. And the inheritance of robbers. I mean the word is that there one becomes aware about whom the lashon hara was. I don’t know. The point is that the problem is that you challenge going somewhere, this is certainly no novelty for the learners. They made a narrative that this is difficult, and this is a great danger, one really couldn’t go. This is the severity of lashon hara. One makes a narrative, it’s called in English. In Yiddish, I don’t know what language.

Two Reasons Why One May Not Live With Masters of Lashon Hara

So, until here the laws of… Another reason why one may not live with masters of lashon hara is because they will reveal everyone’s wickedness. Suddenly you’ll become aware that the place is a place of wicked people where one may not live there. And why? Because you convince yourself so, you won’t improve. Actually so, because if you’ll hear about everyone bad things, you won’t actually improve. Everyone is bad, everyone is corrupt, I may also be. They’re all wicked, at least will I be the only one who may not steal? Everyone steals, let me also steal. It begins with lashon hara. This is the corruption that influences people badly. That’s true.

Okay. The Rambam says further. But also because it’s dangerous. You don’t want to live in his neighborhood. He’ll harm you. Sealed on this. Now we’ll learn about the prohibition of revenge.

Halacha 7 – Revenge (Nekama)

The Rambam says, “One who takes revenge from his friend, transgresses a negative commandment, as it says ‘Do not take revenge'”. The Rambam says, “Even though he is not lashed for it, it is a very bad trait”. A bad character trait. “Rather, it is fitting for a person to overlook all worldly matters”. Ah, this comes to a new level. A whole new explanation.

“Overlook All Worldly Matters” – The Whole World is Vanity

What? This comes to a whole new explanation. Not just to overlook one’s character traits, but because the whole world isn’t worth anything. He said earlier that if a person hurt you, you should think that he has a confused opinion. He now says, all people have somewhat confused opinions. Everything that has to do with the world is flawed. And the wise learn to overlook all worldly matters. All worldly matters should be nullified by oneself. The whole world isn’t worth one groan. “Because everything to those with understanding are matters of vanity and futility”. True understanders understand that the essence is Godliness. The essence is knowledge of God, all other things are matters of vanity and chasing wind, foolishness. To take revenge on someone, it’s not worth getting angry at them. Yes. Apparently the Rambam had a problem here, because revenge is apparently a very rational thing, he had to come to this whole explanation to explain why not to be affected at all. Why is revenge bad? That person did something to me, I do it back to him, I’ll listen to him. Yes? What are you reading? He did something to you, and you don’t want to lend him your hammer. Come down with the hammer, one must come down so far until the nullification of this entire world. Yes. One must go to the root of the matter, like… One must go to the… Yes. I say, if it’s a novelty, because usually one can say, ah, it’s perhaps… Okay, one helped Abraham in the desert for social reasons. No, here one had to come until there, because the very “Do not take revenge,” it seems is a difficult thing to ask of a person. One must come until there to explain this.

And What is Revenge – The Parable of Your Axe

And what is revenge? He said to him lend me your axe, he said to him I won’t lend you. The next day he needs to borrow from him, he said to him lend me your axe, he said to him I won’t lend you just as you didn’t lend me when I asked from you, this is one who takes revenge. Rather what should he do? When he comes to borrow from him he should give with a full heart and not repay him as he repaid him, and so all similar to these. And so David said in his good traits, if I have repaid those at peace with me with evil, I have never given back… If I would have given back for the… I haven’t, I have never conducted myself to give back evil for those who did bad things to me. And I would release my oppressor empty-handed.

And I would… He goes with the continuation, and what does “and I would release” mean? He means that I have repaid those at peace with me with evil and I gave to my oppressors emptiness, nothingness? As Rashi explains… Not clear. Simply been, ah, yes, I would have stripped them naked. Then if he pursues… He says, if… He put himself in the situation, if I gave to the one who treats me badly, I would have been avenged back, then such and such could happen to me. But I didn’t do so, because I, even for my enemies, as one actually sees by Saul, he didn’t take revenge even on his enemies. The king is actually a great tzaddik, he can’t compare to him, but okay.

Discussion: Who Lends to Whom? The Situation of “Lend Me Your Axe”

And this is the topic of revenge. Now one can speak about another thing that is similar to this which is called bearing a grudge (netira). Someone, even if he doesn’t do it back, but netira, one holds, one remembers, one is affected, one remembers it. A netira, one holds the hatred. I’m not a grudge-bearer. Grudge-bearer means a language of guarding, he guards the feeling, not that he lets it run. “One transgresses ‘Do not take revenge and do not bear a grudge against the children of your people'”.

How so? Reuven said to Shimon “Lend me your axe.” He said to him “I won’t lend you.” Days later Shimon needed to borrow from Reuven. Reuven said to him “Here it is for you, I’m not like you who didn’t lend me”. This is what the Sages taught “What is bearing a grudge? Anyone who said to him lend me your sickle, he said to him no. The next day he said to him lend me your axe, he said to him here it is, I’m not like you who didn’t lend me.” This is bearing a grudge.

Besides this one transgresses “Do not bear a grudge.” Very interesting, because one of the things is the prohibition to think. King David also said, “If I have repaid.” He didn’t speak personally to a certain person, he speaks to the Almighty.

Speaker 2: It’s very good what you’re saying. You have a question, someone asked, I told you how can one fulfill “lo tikom”? You go, you lend to everyone in the world your… to whom do you lend? To the one that you lend… It occurs to him when he says the language, “hashem shlosha panim,” there are three people. Very good. So, the simple meaning is, we’re not talking about just anyone, a person will certainly lend to his friends. He’s not obligated now to agree for the whole world. He agrees for whom it makes sense to him, that it makes sense. But the revenge comes fighting, “Ah, you weren’t my friend, but now, the second time…” The simple meaning is that it comes yes, yes, the second one already has unity with the first when he comes back. So the simple meaning in the situation is only two, I know he has it twice. You would have lent it, because it makes sense. This way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the wrong by both when they come in the Torah is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, keeping accounts. If just, I didn’t have enough, I had a bad mood, okay. So apparently this is what the Rambam says that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who…

Halacha 7 (Continued) – Netira

Rather, and the Rambam says further, rather, what should one do? Rather, he should erase the matter from his heart and not bear a grudge, for as long as he bears a grudge about the matter and remembers it, he may come to take revenge. Therefore the Torah was strict about bearing a grudge until he erases the wrong from his heart completely and doesn’t remember it. And this is the proper approach by which settlement of the land and the business and trade of people with one another can be maintained.

The Contrast Between the Reasons for Nekama and Netira

This is the proper measure how one can have that the world should be a place of settlement, when a person should be able to deal, because people are weak, people sometimes wrong one another. And when one will remember it the whole time, there will be no end.

It’s very interesting, because a minute ago by nekama the Rambam arrived at the conclusion that the whole world is not worthwhile. Suddenly he goes back that this world is also worthwhile to preserve. Because he means to say, yes, if a person will keep accounts three generations back, that’s not a way.

Netira is a Sin, Not Just a Deficiency in the Trait of Piety

It’s very interesting, to forgive netira is lifnim mishurat hadin apparently. But even netira, he does indeed do the forgiveness in his heart, we would always think that this is a great trait of piety. But he says that it’s a sin. If you think, it’s a nice thing, because the person remembers that you didn’t serve him yesterday, and he knows that you did serve him today. If you wouldn’t have told him, he wouldn’t have known. Yes, he will finally apparently feel bad, and he will do something back for a good thing next time, if he’s a good person, if he’s… yes. But you see that the Rambam says that this is not a… one needs already the legitimacy for this… not just once, I’m personally letting go. The world requires that one should forgive you, because if not, as that one said, the whole world will keep accounts one for the other, one carries this, until the whole world will be one blend. Yes, it’s not a way. At some point one must forgive. This is an obligation.

Discussion: Why by Nekama a Philosophical Reason and by Netira a Practical One?

Speaker 2: This is perhaps not better, because if so one must understand why by nekama he did say “chuck, let’s become words of love,” because he will say because this way one can forgive. You know, perhaps netira is worse? It’s like according to your approach I asked, perhaps it can’t be worse, because he says that it will bring to a fight. Ah, right.

“Hareini Mochel” Every Night

It’s a beautiful thing to say every night “hareini mochel.” It’s a tremendous thing. One should remember that the whole world is worth nothing, it’s all a fleeting dream, and one throws away all baggage. I see that in netira one sees that the same as “lo tisna et achicha bilvavecha,” like hatred, that we’re speaking here, perhaps if “lo titor” wouldn’t have been written it would also have been forbidden because of “lo tisna.”

A Person Cannot Demand “Refined Things”

A strong thing that everyone must truly be aware of, that you should tell him, he did anger you. But everyone is not aware, that one is not obligated to me in things. Ah, very good. He brings himself the obligation. You say he’s so refined, he wasn’t nice to me. It’s not that I make him an obligation. These are refined things. You can demand something, you must be nicer to me. Then he’s indeed. And you come to say, what, you didn’t smile at me. It’s not very fair. When he wronged you, one can hold it against him, say that one doesn’t speak with him anymore.

Speaker 2: It’s very good what you’re saying. You have a question, someone asked, I told you how can one fulfill “lo tikom”? You go, you lend to everyone in the world your… to whom do you lend? To the one that you lend… It occurs to him when he says the language, “hashem shlosha panim,” there are three people. Very good. So, the simple meaning is, we’re not talking about just anyone, a person will certainly lend to his friends. He’s not obligated now to agree for the whole world. He agrees for whom it makes sense to him, that it makes sense. But the revenge comes fighting, “Ah, you weren’t my friend, but now, the second time…” The simple meaning is that it comes yes, yes, the second one already has unity with the first when he comes back. So the simple meaning in the situation is only two, I know he has it twice. You would have lent it, because it makes sense. This way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the wrong by both when they come in the Torah is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, keeping accounts. If just, I didn’t have enough, I had a bad mood, okay. So apparently this is what the Rambam says that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who…

Halacha 7 (Continued) – The Sin by Nekama and Netira is in the Words

You would have lent it, because it makes sense this way, when it doesn’t make sense you can continue to say no. So you can say that the sin by both when it comes to nekama and netira is the words that are said. Lend yes, lend no, accounts, the accounts help. If just, one didn’t give me, made me from a bad mood. Okay.

So apparently, this is what the Rambam says, that it’s foolishness, because you’re a baby, you’re petty, you’re busy with foolish accounts, you keep a booklet of who did this to me, you did this to me. Go, go on, forgive, be forgiving. If that one behaved then there is indeed a real thing.

Practical Question: Wedding Lists, Mishloach Manot, and Charity Links

What is, someone has a list of who came to his wedding, he goes to that one’s wedding? Did he transgress a verse? No, it was heard, there is a level of friends. A person may know, he’s my friend number one, he’s my friend from class, he’s my friend from class, and that one is such from a minute in and out, one dances, buddy. It’s not netira.

What is indeed netira is when you ask him, “Why didn’t you come to my wedding?” “Because you didn’t come to my wedding.” That was a fight.

People always have the links. Yes, he has a link for charity, and the person who gave him, he gives back, and that one not. I’m not obligated, because we are not the friends who exchange mishloach manot all the time.

Fine, good. So one must certainly think when is yes and when is not. One must fulfill, increase love in the world, but yes.

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Conclusion of Hilchot Deot

Already, it was a short and fiery one indeed. Already, we have finished Hilchot Deot. Now we already know both what one must do, both what one must know, both what one must with the Torah, what one must with the Torah.

Connection to Other Halachot

Afterwards there is ahavat hager, ahavat re’acha kamocha, one can very much learn, pray. Apparently Hilchot Talmud Torah is connected more to Yesodei HaTorah, which is things that one must know. Ah, there is also in this Deot of honor to cherish Torah scholars, it’s very interesting, it connects with both. Okay, we have arrived, with God’s help tomorrow.